Hiding is Heavy

Sometimes you just don’t know.

Currently I'm fumbling and bumbling my way through this thing called “a life”. I’m not really sure why I’m writing this but I do know one thing...I’m having a really hard time with life right now. The last 5 years or so have been a total and complete whirlwind of good and not so good and it finally feels like the world has slowed down enough so I can hop off and start to make sense of everything. And by making sense of everything I really mean falling apart.

Hiding is Heavy by Stephanie Perkinson

It feels good to tell you this. You see, I’m an INTENSELY private person. Like, when shit gets rough I have a hard time talking to anyone about anything, even my family about my hard times. Like, literally I can’t even speak, not even to the person I sleep next to every night. It’s weird. I’m all about strength, I have it tattooed on my body actually...in an awful crooked Chinese character, in between the bravery and happiness ones. All I can say is….I was 18 and it was the 90’s. I digress. So strength, yes, back to that….for the longest time telling anyone that I was struggling was like a me hanging a giant sign around my neck that said WEAK. Ugh, weakness...I can’t stomach it. I don’t DO weak.

So for the past few months I’ve been struggling friends and when I found myself crumpled on my kitchen floor I knew shit had to change. So I took a deep breath, got off the floor, brushed the crumbs off my butt and formed what I’m calling “My Team”....A therapist, a new primary care physician, a new chiropractor, a new non-crazy-making IUD, an energy worker, long walks 4-5 times a week, better food, cleaner water and the hardest choice of all to make...pulling back from my work for a bit (just a bit, please God let it be for just a bit). Because “pulling back” feels like failure some days. Most days actually. Old voices creep in that say “See, I told you, you couldn't hack it”...”You never stick with anything”...”You are so pathetic, get over yourself”.  I’ve for the most part, been keeping this all to myself except for a very select few. When I spilled my story to my friend last night, she said something that sounded like this: You are NOT weak Stephanie, you are STRONG. It struck a chord. I realized right at that moment that this was ridiculous. I can’t just disappear, I refuse to disappear from my life. I LOVE my life and the people in it.

Her telling me that stirred the pot, her timing could not of been more perfect. Damn straight I’m strong, strong enough that I know I can’t do this alone and strong enough to know that sharing my struggle with others isn’t going to stop the world from spinning and send you all scattering away from me. Well, some of you might leave but that’s ok, no judgement here. So I guess it’s just me and my beautiful, amazing and crazy supportive family of 4 that will be getting the bulk of my attention for a little bit of time. Though I have to say telling you all of this has taken so much pressure off. No pressure means no failing and somewhere in my brain if I know I can’t fail, I feel free-er to be me and being more me means having the ability to share in a more meaningful way. This feels really beautiful.

You guys, hiding is so much harder that it looks. Hiding is so heavy. Don’t be like me, don’t hide for as long as I did. Be strong. speak up, fall apart, you never know who will help you put the pieces back together again. Trust me there are willing parties that will help you do it. Never think you don’t have to do it alone. You are not weak my friend. You are strong, like a crooked, faded, totally imperfect Chinese character from the 90’s.

Adventures in Oils - Tridoshic Body Oil

I love this book - stephanieperkinson.com

Latley I've been making all sorts of things with essential oils in them. I recently bought the book "Skin Cleanse" by fellow holistic health coach Adina Grigore and owner of the lovely S.W. Basic skincare line. Her book is amazing and full of recipes for all sorts of things.

Yesterday, I made some deodorant and toothpaste. The deodorant is AWESOME. The toothpaste was mega disgusting...whomp whomp. I used some doTERRA essential oils in both products and I especially love the blend I used in the deodorant. It's called Clarycalm and is specifically used to balance women out during their moon time or cycle or period...whatever you like to call it, I'm partial to "cycle". 

Anyway, I smell awesome and I'm nourishing myself in a way I usually forget to when the sh*t hits the fan. I love that I'm killing two birds with one stone in one simple recipe. While I can't share her specific recipe from the book...let's just say it involves baking soda, a gluten free starch, coconut oil and essential oils. It took me 5 minutes to make enough for 2 months. I bet a Google search for something similar would get you good results. 

What I can do for you today is share a super yummy recipe for body oil I've made. You'll need a few things but it feels so silky and sacred every time you use it. 

"Abhyanga" is the Ayurvedic practice of anointing oneself with warm oil from the crown of the head to the tips of the toes. 

When done in a certain way this self massage is said to increase circulation, remove toxins, calm the nerves and soothe the skin.

The recipe I'm sharing today for herbalized oil is considered "tri-doshic" or good for all. If you happen to know your constitution, choose Sesame or Almond oil for Kapha and Vata and Coconut or Sunflower oil for Pitta.

If you don't know your constitution, here is a wonderful quiz to take. When in doubt, opt for sesame oil (not toasted). 

Tridoshic Body Oil - Stephanieperkinson.com

Tridoshic Body Oil

You'll need: 
3 cups of carrier oil 
A spoonful of rose petals and/or 8-10 drops rose essential oil 
A spoonful of lavender buds and/or 8-10 drops lavender essential oil 
1 cinnamon stick 
10 cardamon pods, cracked a bit 
8 whole cloves 
4 star anise pods 
1 vanilla bean, sliced down the middle

Gently warm your carrier oils in a pan if some of them are solid at room temperature. Allow it to cool and add in all the ingredients. Stir well and transfer to a glass jar(s) and let it infuse for 4 weeks or more in a cool & dark place. Shake every few days if you remember. Strain and store for future use.

*If giving as a gift, I would present it unstrained, as it looks so beautiful! You could even tuck in a note telling them how to strain and use the oil.

Adventures in oils - Stephanieperkinson.com

So, I don't usually mention doTERRA oils a ton. 

I use them at home and totally love them.
Yes. It's one of those multi-level marketing things. Yes, I make a little bit of money every time someone signs up under me.

Some of those who are underneath me are really going for it and working on making some serious income from themselves. I love that and support them fully.  Personally, I'm not planning on taking over the world with essential oils, health coaching and sacred space making keeps my hands full. I joined doTERRA almost 2 years ago totally unaware of how much I would truly like what the company makes. If you are interested in them I'm happy to share what I know with you, whether you use doTERRA oils or another brand.


If you sign up with a starter kit this month, they will give you 50 points to use three days later..which works out to be around $45-$50 worth of products depending on what you get (score!). I've never seen this special so I'm sharing because I think it's great. I'm also happy to add you to my summer class, Sexy, Raw & Radiant ( a $49 value) for free if you join up with me. Shoot me an email if you want to get in touch about all this.

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Sexy, Raw and Radiant e-course June 15th, 2015 - stephanieperkinson.com

What if every meal you ate was a heart opening exercise?
What kind of layers would you shed if your food stripped down & got naked?
What would it feel like to pull up a chair at the radiant table?

Sexy, Raw & Radiant begins June 15th.

One Way to Get Radiant

Hello there beautiful.

One way to get Radiant _ stephanieperkinson.com

Every once in awhile I like to time travel. I paw through old journals, unearth Google Documents or peek through old newsletters. There was this one story that had me pausing.

I kept thinking about it for the next few days after. I remember exactly how I was feeling when I wrote it all down. It's a story that makes me feel so, so good and I wanted to share it with you. Again. Because sometimes you have to hear a story a few times for it to really sink in...

Awhile ago I was at my favorite thrift store and I came across the most lovely and soft linen pants. Perfect condition. I eagerly squirreled away into the dressing room and was thrilled with how they fit. I took a look at the tag and almost passed completely on them.

There on the little tag were the words "J.Jill". 

Yup. These babies were full blown high waisted "mom pants". Or at least that's what I thought when I saw the label. I stood there and wrestled with the idea of what "mom pants" really meant to me. Who would I be if I actually bought these things? Had I become THAT person? At 32? It all felt very unsexy and slightly depressing.

I slid the pants on again, because they did have an elastic waist band after all. I looked at myself from all angles. They looked good, like really good and I kinda loved them. Classic without being dowdy.

My resolve to not buy them waivered. What the heck are "mom pants" anyway? Aren't they really just pants that are tailored for women who have had a kid or two and know that our bellies need just a toosh more support and some breathing room in the legs? Is that really so bad? Do we need to villanize ourselves for that?

I'm happy to report they are now one of my favorite pairs to wear.

That whole experience let me to another store more recently that I would have never considered shopping in until then.

I immedially fell in love with all the colors and textures I was seeing. The pants were fitting here too. So were the tops. It was almost as if they were made just for me. My body. A womans body. These clothes had me glowing from the inside out. This never happens anywhere else.

It was there in that store that I promised myself I would no longer be seduced by the cheap cotton/poly blends that called to me from the "Exhilaration" section of Target, which to be honest, had recently been leaving me with a feeling of anything BUT exhilarated by the time I left the dressing room.

I no longer need to suffer through fruitless trips to trendy stores who market to a slightly younger crowd and whose idea of what a size 10 (or 12 or 14 or 16 etc) should fit like is drastically different than mine.

One way to get Radiant _ stephanieperkinson.com

So I guess what it all boils down to is this: If you want to feel like a radiant women, do yourself a favor and get your ass out of the juniors department.

There is nothing wrong with having a woman's body because we ARE women. I'm so ready to start celebrating that aren't you? We don't need to look like we're in high school anymore. We don't need to iron out our wrinkles and we totally don't need to wear clothes that threaten to cut off our circulation because someone said low-rise is where it's at.

We can just, you know, wear clothes that feel really good, make us feel gorgeous and try not to let the label in the back tell the whole story.

Want to know another way to get radiant? 

THE SPRING CLEANSE BEGINS APRIL 2oth.(Welcome Kits go out in a week!)

The food is super yum and the circle that is gather is beautiful. Want to learn more and sign up?

Follow this link right here...