I was totally and completely burnt out, overwhelmed and exhausted.
I had been struggling for months. I was depressed and completely uninspired but kept on plugging away. It all became too much. Too heavy. So I did what I thought was best. I let it go. I let all of it go. All commitments I had made to others. All the relationships that were hurting me. All the things that didn't hold passion. I even let go of my work. I let it all just slip through my finger tips. That sounds nice, right? Like sands through the hourglass....
Except it wasn't peaceful at all.
It felt more like sweeping my arm across a perfectly set table (that I had worked so hard on), sending it all smashing to the floor. I looked at all the mess and tried to believe that eventually it would sort itself out. In that moment I chose to deal with the here and now and that...required a blank slate. What I felt after all the mess was made, was a perfect mixture of utter fear and total relief.
There was no plan and no lists. I had consciously made the decision to live in limbo. I allowed the unknown to hold me, to become my compass. I didn't know what was going to happen or how long it would take. For once in my life I wasn't thinking ten steps ahead. All I needed was permission from myself to just wing it.
Amazing what can happen when you finally feed your permission starved self.
During that time frame I did a lot of what didn't come naturally: I put myself first. I made some choices that appeared odd to some outsiders and even family. I accepted help with things that were bigger than me. I learned how to establish and tend boundaries. I took it one step at a time. I made joy and pleasure a priority. I shared when it felt scary.
All of it helped. I healed. I'm still healing, still learning and best of all? I'm stepping back in and damn, it feels good to be back.
Unexpected|Beautiful begins Feb 8th.
It was birthed from the experience that I just shared, blended with the past 4 years of successfully coaching beautiful, intelligent women back to themselves.
This course will provide a variety of avenues for you to connect with your innate treasure. Together, we will explore the thoughts we keep about ourselves, the physical spaces we inhabit, and invite in creativity and support.
Unexpected|Beautiful is a course with no intended purpose other than this: You will be making room for something great.